Who am I?

I recently decided to write about who I was. I know who I am. I knew I wanted to make something of myself. I knew growing up without much, I didn't want to have to keep working two jobs. I knew it back in high school when I told my mom "I don''t need an x-box, I'm outside making money." I wanted more. But all I had ever done was focus on the future.

I have always known who I was... or so I thought. Until I sat down and attempted to write it, I found myself sitting at the computer screen, looking at a blank page and wondering, "who am I?" I just couldn't start firing away.

I 'm a single guy looking for the right one and I asked myself, "how am I talking to new women, when I don't even know what to write about myself sitting alone in my room?"

So I reassessed my whole life and focused on three things.

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I went to Texas Tech, I live near the Galleria, and I work in the most exuberant industry on the planet. Three things I enjoy are people, history, and finding new things to do. I appreciate people, I like to talk, tell stories, make jokes, I'm a goofy person and like to show it. There are not many things that can give you the happiness people do. I also welcome intellectual conversations and believe in a relationship you should have both.

I am in awe of every history story ever told, I blame my grandpa. I love pirates because they are rebels, I love the Scottish heritage because they died for what they believed in, I love American history because generations of my family have been here before 1776. I love old war stories from the days of Alexander to Marcus Luttrell; because not every man can be as brave as them. I love books about powerful men because there's no better place to learn. But there is one book I love more than any other. Everyone needs a passion in their life.

I was born to be a hiker, climber, runner, outdoorsman, and hunter. I enjoy everything about being outside. I do a lot of hunting. I love the country. God gave us this world to enjoy, he spent 5 days creating it and only one day creating mankind. Speaking of creation, the last thing God ever created was a woman.

I like to travel. Two stepping in Luckenbach, visit Jacob's well, go to painted rock, see pearl harbor, and visit the museums in Houston are some of the things I want to do. The road of life is a dead end, I make the best of it. You have to be able to fly by the seat of your pants.

Last but not least, Jesus plays a big role in my life. That's my number one requirement.

This is the first time I have written down who I am.
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I think everyone should do this. I am going to print this out and read it everyday. 

"Know Thyself"

The Sea

There's an old story. About how the sea wanted to grow as big as possible. The sea wanted to be the biggest sea on earth. So what did the sea do?

The sea lowered itself in the earth. It sunk as deep as possible until all the streams from mountains and rivers ran to it. And as the sea found more rivers it grew to be bigger than ever.

We must learn to do this with people. So that to be above people, we must learn to be below them. To grow bigger than them, we must first seek their help.

The Two Doors

I feel like I'm stuck between two sets of doors. You know the ones you walk through when you go through a large building or a library? I can't decide which to walk through. Each door leads to a completely different life for me. I have one that tells me to walk through and I'll be straight and narrow.  Not as much fun but it would be a good life. The other door tells me that I will have a different kind of life, but also in a bad way. I live in darkness. I'll do things I want no one to know about. I will satisfy my temporary feelings of lust and euphoria. I will live a life society perceives as cool. And every so often I open the door and peer off into the distance and see these things taunting me. Tempting me. And every now and then I will touch the other door, a clean door. A door that welcomes as well, but to hold you to a standard as a condition. I am tossed between the confusion of now and my future. Divided between my mind and my physical humanly desires. I'm stuck between the bible and the unwritten laws of humanity. I fight to see a light but as I try one door I find myself between the two again and again. I wish that it would be so easy to take a door and lock it! Because the door that holds my salvation is entered but I find myself sucked back through the two doors in the underworld.  A constant battle I am in. A constant pursuit to find the light. And upon finding this light, retaining it. 

Poem

This is not a poem

A poem is words that rhyme

This is more than a poem

This is more than me

Uncontrollable emotions

Unseen amounts of energy

Spinning around our lives

Pulling us closer

Plucking at our heart strings

Binding our souls

Consuming our minds

Gives me strength

to walk into the unknown

And it begins with four words

Love, such a word we think we know

But we will never know

I have seen love, heard love,

And believe I know love!

But love is never known

For love is never ending

Immeasurable in its length

Undefined in its meaning

And because of this,

Love is always learning

Love is always loving

No force even compares

To its existence

By understanding

I will never fully know.

I'll take your hand

And grip it tight

And entrust our love

To get through fights

To Guide us through

the undetermined future...

What Doesn't Kill You, Makes You Stronger

       What do you do when your life turns upside down? Bring another story into the mix. Another unknown situation waiting to relapse the good times. Something you don't deserve ready to drop at the at sign of good fortune. Take your life, the good and the bad and mix that up with the culture you're in, religion, and how people think you should act. What they say behind your back. The guilt you feel knowing you're doing things wrong. Everything that pulls you in different directions and can never work in harmony. Everything that every person experiences at some point in their life. It's life and it will happen to you. How do you respond?

Response 1:

It happens to everyone else. Get over it. 

         Who cares if someone talks bad about you or someone has it better off than you. God made you who you are, accept that. But it's more than that when you're the one it's happening too. How do you act when your friend you see every day makes fun of you? Say this happens and move on or is it going to sting for a bit? This is negative energy.

All energy is interconnected. Energy can be controlled. Energy can be channeled. You can turn neutral energy into either positive or negative energy. You can change negative energy into positive energy and vice versa. These is called controlling your emotions. Laugh now cry later. Shifting your mental status to handle the situation you're in.

You can't do anything successfully until you master this. 

So yeah it's okay to be upset even though you may feel like it only affects you. But it's how you deal with it that defines why you need to get over it. 

Use negative energy as fuel. Forgive but don't forget what upset you. Remember it, use it to propel your situation. For example people make fun of me for riding my bike to school. So what, I don't have money and I can't afford parking permits. But I remember that when I'm studying or debating getting up for class. Negative energy channeled to become fuel for success. I'm proud of not being entitled to shit in my life. And earning it through the sweat in my brow and the drive in my heart. And I'm continually fueling something no one can take away from me. My will to build my work ethic off discouragement is what keeps me moving forward. Keep pushing forward. 

When I first heard "Started from the Bottom" by Drake. I instantly liked it. An anthem of how someone didn't have something and from nothing he achieved his dreams. This isn't an argument of drakes life just something I can relate to. And helps me remember to stay on my path I set out for myself to achieve greatness.

What we do in our lives echoes for eternity.

Response 2:

Maybe it isn't meant for you. Or maybe you just can't do it. 

Don't ever let someone tell you, you can't do something. If this was true there would have never been scientific innovations. No revolutionary war for America. No world records. Nothing that people went through extreme difficulty to achieve. Because there are no limitations. There is no limit. The sky is the limit. You think over the period of trying thousands of different filaments to create a light source Thomas Edison was told it was impossible or after the first few hundred filaments he started to think maybe it was IMPOSSIBLE?! 

Don't give in to outside pressures. Don't cut yourself short. Only you can undervalue yourself. 

You just have to smile through the bullshit. 

In search of a inner peace, someone to bring me to righteous actions, and an understanding of conviction will bring me to my goals.