I feel like I'm
stuck between two sets of doors. You know the ones you walk through when you go
through a large building or a library? I can't decide which to walk through.
Each door leads to a completely different life for me. I have one that tells me
to walk through and I'll be straight and narrow. Not as much fun but it would be a good life.
The other door tells me that I will have a different kind of life, but also in
a bad way. I live in darkness. I'll do things I want no one to know about. I
will satisfy my temporary feelings of lust and euphoria. I will live a life
society perceives as cool. And every so often I open the door and peer off into
the distance and see these things taunting me. Tempting me. And every now and
then I will touch the other door, a clean door. A door that welcomes as well, but
to hold you to a standard as a condition. I am tossed between the confusion of
now and my future. Divided between my mind and my physical humanly desires. I'm
stuck between the bible and the unwritten laws of humanity. I fight to see a
light but as I try one door I find myself between the two again and again. I
wish that it would be so easy to take a door and lock it! Because the door that
holds my salvation is entered but I find myself sucked back through the two
doors in the underworld. A constant
battle I am in. A constant pursuit to find the light. And upon finding this
light, retaining it.
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